One year, the marshland had become very dry and arid. The water in the marshland was starting to dry up as the temperature rapidly increased. This prolonged period of heat had gone on for quite some time, and it made life difficult for the many different fish living in the marshland. The pelican saw this is an opportunity to feed on the fish that were in desperate need of water. He approached a population of fish that were living in an almost evaporated body of water. Since the pelican was so cleaver, he decided to offer to take the fish to another body of water that was abundant and cool. The fish did not believe the pelican and questioned why their predator was offering them help. So as a signal of good will, the pelican took one of the old and sick fish to the new body of water. He dropped the old fish into the water and let him enjoy the cool sensation. The pelican then scooped up the old fish into his beak and brought him back to the rest of his people.
The old fish excitedly raved and rambled on about how awesome the water was on the other side. The fish were so desperate for water, so they were not very resistant to trusting the pelican now. Every fish began to line up in excitement as they waited for their turn to hop into the pelican's beak. The pelican began to transport five fish at a time in his beak. The pelican would fly over the new body of water and tease the fish. He would then swallow them all in one gulp. The pelican did this over and over until there were no more fish left.
(A picture of a pelican similar to the one in the story. Source: Wikimedia Commons)
Author's Note: I kept my story fairly similar to the source story. The source story details the actions of a crane as he tricks his prey into trusting him. The crane convinces the fish that he would transport them to another body of water that was much cooler and better suited for them. As the fish were desperate to escape their current state, they begin to trust the crane. This would turn out to be fatal as the crane transported each fish individually in his mouth. Instead of taking the fish to the water, the crane would eat them. He completely devastated the population of fish. The crane tried to do this trick on a crab that was nearby. However, the crab was more intelligent than the fish. The crab convinced the crane to transport him to the cool body of water. The crab ended up severing the head of the crane as the crane tried to eat the crab as well. I left this detail out in my story.
Bibliography: The Cunning Crane and the Crab by W.H.D. Rouse. Source: Google Sites
Jake, the story that you have rewritten was truly awesome! I see that you did not vary too much from the original story, but I don't think that this is bad at all. The story is very interesting and teaches a great life lesson about trusting and how we should always check sources before trusting them fully. I myself find this to be sort of difficult because I truly am a very trusting person. Like you, I am also from a small town and I enjoy seeing the best in people--its how I was raised! All in all, your story was great!
ReplyDeleteHey Jake, I liked reading your story. I picked the same one to re-write. I like the change to a pelican, and I think it would be interesting to hear why you left out the crab. I feel your story shows how devious the world can be, and how dangerous it can be to trust people you don't know, and that not everything ends with appropriate consequences. This is an incredibly important life lesson, and this story shows it very well.
ReplyDeleteHey Jake, that was a really good story you wrote. I also read the original story before and it was an interesting story. But I like your version too because It shows how cruel the world is and it tells us not to trust someone until you have his bio-data in your hands. You and learn a good life lesson from this story.
ReplyDeleteHey Jake. Your story seems similar to the original and that is just fine. The story is meant to teach the reader to be careful who you trust. Trusting blindly is often a risky path to take. This story shows this lesson with the pelican and the fish. I also find your story very reasonable as the deceptive pelican is one greedy bird.
ReplyDeleteWow Jake! I love your story and think that you did a fantastic job leading to the climax. Only because I had read the original story did I know what was going to happen, but if I hadn't I wouldn't have guessed the ending. I think you do a great job of not revealing too much, and actually make the reader start thinking the Pelican is helping. One thing I was thinking was what if one of the fish were somehow able to escape his gulp? This could lead into a really interesting change in the story but then again that might ruin the point of the story. I really liked how common you made the language in saying things people can relate to these days with words like "jerk". I think that this makes the audience truly able to imagine what the pelican is like. Overall, I think you did a great job on writing this story Jake.
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome story Jake! I did a rewrite of this same story. I really like how you gave a background story to the pelican. That might be something that I do to my story. It was a really creative idea. I also like how you went into detail about how the fish became stranded. Great job and I am looking forward to seeing more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Jake, I like the change to a pelican instead of a crane. Since, carrying the fish in the bird's beak is such an important part of the story it makes sense to have a bird that has a beak that's meant to carry fish in it. I miss getting to know the fish and the bird a little more, but it was a fun story to read.
ReplyDelete